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One child has gone, but it’s his living sister who feels forgotten.
A 16-year-old girl has anonymously confessed that she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday anymore as the event has become an annual memorial for her twin brother who died at birth.
“I realized I didn’t want to keep sharing my birthday with my brother,” the teen, who goes by @Background_Cause7103 online, wrote in a Dec. 20 Reddit post. “I did try and speak to my parents about me, just me celebrating my birthday this year. But I was brushed off.”
She revealed her twin brother was born five minutes before her on Dec. 23, and died just hours later.
Losing her brother took a toll on the family, especially her mom, who went into a deep depression. To cope with the pain, the family practiced unique traditions on the twins’ birthday to remember their late son.
“There’s always that 5 minutes of remembrance in honor of him and instead of having one candle on my cake, there will be an extra or extras for him,” she wrote.
Growing up, she didn’t mind sharing the special moment with her heavenly sibling. As she got older, however, she started to question when she would celebrate the birthday on her own.
“As a kid, I didn’t really understand or minded because I got to blow out extra candles,” the Reddit post user said. “I’ve watched videos of my birthdays from 1-6 years old, and me sharing my birthday with my brother has started at my 1st birthday.”
The day of her 16th birthday was spent in the hospital, for reasons she did not disclose — and the only person to honor her special day was her grandmother.
“My grandpa showed up at the hospital while I was recovering with a gift and wished me and only me a happy birthday,” she admitted. “After he left, I realized I loved that he only acknowledged me.”
The soon-to-be 17-year-old wants to eliminate the joint birthday tradition and only celebrate her life from now on.
So when her grandpa asked what type of cake she would like this year, she firmly stated only having “17 candles” on her cake, which is unusual since previous pastries had candles representing both twin’s ages.
“My parents were in the next room and immediately, they came in demanding to know what I was doing?” she continued. “I ended up crying and told them, that he’s not even here and I am.”
The broken ritual turned into a heated debate between the teen and her parents.
“There was a lot shouting with me and my parents and grandpa and me getting told that I’m selfish and I need to stop being self-centered,” she sighed.
The Reddit user, who is currently staying with her grandpa until things cool down with her parents, admits she feels bad for not wanting to share her birthday.
“I’ve been crying a lot and Grandpa [has] been here for me, but I feel so guilty and to need to ask [Am I the a–hole]?” she wrote in the blog post.
But according to many Reddit users the teen is not the donkey in this scenario.
“Your parents need to find another way to grieve their lost child. Your birthday should be your celebration, not their occasion to memorialize their grief,” wrote one user.
“Your feelings are completely valid and I agree with everything you write,” added another.
“You are not the one who’s being selfish here. Your parents absolutely are, and this is not healthy,” a user chimed in.
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